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Self-confidence is…

“The ability to believe in yourself to accomplish any task despite the odds, difficulty and/or adversity.”
These are four ways we can help ourselves and others gain confidence:
  1. Repetition: We firmly adhere to the 10,000 hour-rule written by Malcolm Gladwell. There’s no way around becoming confident. The task must become “mundane.” It must no longer be new so that we can go into “autopilot.” The saying goes, “it’s so easy, I can do it in my sleep.”
  2. Persistence: Do not take “No” for an answer. When (not if), we fail, we don’t stop. We don’t give up. This one is easy to say but hard to do because we innately associate our ability and performance to our self-worth. Our ability to undo the lie that our performance is equal to our self-worth will help us overcome the fear of failure so we can go beyond that invisible wall that’s holding us back.
  3. Self-talk: Thoughts influence action. We have enough people telling us negative things, that we are not good enough, that we can’t make it and that we can’t do it. We need to stop mimicking those voices and start telling ourselves that we are good enough and that we can do it. “I am the Master of my fate. I am the Captain of my soul.” Write yourself a letter (a brag sheet) of the accomplishments that you’re proud of so you can pull it out and read it in those hard times. We all have those dark times where we need to hear that we are good enough and that we have what it takes.
  4. Catch them (yourself and others) when they’re good: We, as humans, are critical by nature. We want the best for our children so we let them know how to fix, what to fix, how to do better, etc. Instead, ignore when a child doesn’t do something perfectly. Don’t comment on it. Look for something to praise. For example: if his or her writing looks horrible, but there is one letter that looks great, praise how great that one letter looks and watch their writing transform.
If you don’t take away anything else, know this: It is a choice that you have to make for yourself and the moment you make that decision becomes the definitive moment.